Every little girl dreams of being a mother when she grows up. I was no different. My testmony of motherhood was strong. I knew that I would be a mother, whether it be in this life or the next. just like girls wanting to be mothers my husband Tim wanted to be a father. We discussed having kids many times but I would always turn him down because my parents thought I wouldn't survive childbirth. Easter 2008 came and the discussion of having kids came up once again. This time I fully trusted in the Lord. I knew that if it was the Lord's will for me to have a child I would. My heart was convinced that I would not get pregnant, but I had to try to show Tim that I truly loved him and would sacrifice everything to make him a father.
On mother's day I went to church and remember our bishop speaking about motherhood and said that if you're not a mother in this life you'll be a mother in the next life. His eyes were filled with tears and the light reflected off a tear drop running down his cheek and like a laser beam shot at me. It gave me hope that this would be my last mother's day without a child. Later that week we went to visit my parents to let them know our good news. I did not expect their negative reaction. I tried to reassure them that the Lord would protect me if I was meant to have a baby.
The night before memorial day Tim was brushing my teeth before bed when all of a sudden I heard a voice whisper you're pregnant. I started laughing. Tim wondered what was so funny. I told him what I heard and he went out and bought two pregnancy tests. In the morning I waited on pins and needles for the results. We were pregnant!!!! After visiting the doctor I realized I was pregnant on mother's day and that's what that laser beam meant. Telling our parents evoked two opposite reactions. Tim's parents took us out to dinner and celebrated by buying us our first baby gift. My parents reacted to the news by saying you better not be pregnant.
Being pregnant was one of the best times of my life. I only had morning sickness for four weeks which was a miracle in itself. At 16 weeks Tim's parents took us to find out the sex of the baby. We were surprised to find out we were having a boy because we always imagined that our first child would be a girl. We even had a name picked out for her. Faith Ann Waite. After the ultrasound Tim's mom took me out to shop for baby clothes and bought our first blanket, a blue one. We had so much to do to prepare for this little guy to come home.
We knew that we would need a nanny to help out with the new baby. Many friends came to my mind but I had not received an answer from the Lord yet. One of my friends, named Amie, I had known since she was a young girl. We had reconnected in 2006 when Tim started working with his father in Bakersfield. One afternoon Tim and I had lunch with Amie and all of a sudden Tim asked her to be our nanny. I was in shock because we had not discussed this before hand. Amie got me alone and asked f I knew that Tim was going to offer her the job. I told her no. She let me know that she had been praying for a job that would allow her to spend more time with her daughter, Leora. Right then I knew that Heavenly Father was answering both of our prayers. Amie and her daughter moved into our house in December. By this time I was miserable. The baby was always kicking me in my ribs and it was hard to breathe.
On January 5th 2009 I could not handle being pregnant anymore. Tim drove me to the hospital which happened to be on 34th street and I was checked in. The doctor scheduled a C-section for the next day. My parents drove in from out of town. I was surprisingly very calm until the anesthesiologist told me that I would be put under to have the baby not just a spinal. I wanted o be awake to hear my baby's first cry. This also meant that Tim could not be in the delivery room which was disappointing to him. As they rolled me out of the room I said my good byes and I love yous to all that were there.
Before I went under I looked at the clock it was 2:25 p.m. When I awoke it was 4:10 p.m. I thought to myself, wow I was asleep a lot longer than they said I would be. The doctor asked me to take deep breath. I tried but I couldn't and then I began to panic. They rolled me up to the ICU. Questions filled my mind. Where's my baby? Where's Tim? Why can't I breathe on my own? What went wrong? The doctor informed Tim around 3 o'clock that thy were having difficulty bringing me out of the anesthesia.
This was Tim's experience. He was waiting right outside the operating room by the nursery. At 2:31 pm he heard the baby's first cry. The nurses brought out the baby and brought him to Tim for the first time. He posed for some pictures with the baby taken by my parents and Tim's who were in a separate room parted by a big glass window. The nurses then took the baby and weighed him and measured him and did all the normal things. The nurses determined that he was healthy and gave him back to Tim to hold.
After I was moved to the ICU the doctor pulled Tim aside and asked him how I was before surgery. When Tim told the doctor that I was able to breathe on my own and able to walk and talk He was a little confused. This doctor was the on call doctor and had only seen me like this. He gave Tim the grim news that I could be on a ventilator for the rest of my life. Tim now was dealing with his feelings of anger that I might never be the same and pure joy of being a father. Instead of being together s a family for the first night I was alone in the ICU. At least Tim was able to care for Jesse through the night.
My parents visited me in the ICU. I knew what my dad was thinking even though he never said word. He sat in a chair crying and I know he felt his fears of losing me were coming true. My mom was the strong one. She told me all about Jesse and how I needed to fight so I would be able to see him. We prayed together which really gave me comfort. I did not sleep that night. The spirit was strong and I got the distinct impression that I had a choice to make. I could choose to live and help raise my son or I could finally rest from this mortal body to be with my Heavenly Father again.
All the prayers from my family and friends worked. The next day I was taken off the ventilator which meant I would finally be able to see my son. He was absolutely beautiful! My first memory of being a mom was when I said, "Jesse it's mommy." He opened his eyes and looked into mine because he recognized my voice. We named Jesse after Tim's great-grandpas. It was a bonus to find out that Jesse meant gift from God because he truly was. There were many miracles on 34th street that we all witnessed.
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