Since I was a child I used music as an outlet for my emotions. After I learned to play the piano, I could sit down and play and sing for hours and all my troubles would disappear. Music has a great power. I believe that's why they call music the universal language. Music holds memories and emotions that can never be erased. For example, every couple has "their song." When Tim and I hear Madonna's Crazy for you, it brings back memories of dancing in the moonlight. Whenever I hear the song The Prayer, it makes me feel like my grandma is watching over me from heaven. Even Heavenly Father uses music to send us messages.
Sometimes my trial of living in a body that is a prison gets overwhelming. Tim will turn on Pandora and bam! A song will come on that brings peace to my heart and soul and my burden is lightened. I know this isn't by chance. The Lord sends me love and peace through music. These are called tender mercies. The Lord can even manifest truth in songs. I was singing Joseph Smith's first prayer and my spirit was transported into that sacred grove. The spirit of God overwhelmed my body and I knew then that Joseph truly saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in that grove of trees. I have received much wisdom of the gospel of Jesus Christ through hymns and other inspirational songs.
When people come up and tell me what an inspiration I am to them, I feel like a fake. People always see me smiling, but what they don't realize is that I even have my bad days and sometimes weeks. Some years ago, I was in a depression for months. I continued to pray to the Lord to let me go home to him. I did not want to live in this body for one more second. One morning I was awakened by the Lord saying, "Why do you resign yourself to death when you know I keep my promises?" I remember getting up and having a song repeat in my mind over and over, "take a look through my eyes." It was a song that I didn't know but I knew where I could find it because my nephews played the brother Bear soundtrack repeatedly while we were camping that past summer. So I went online and looked up Phil Collins Look Through My Eyes.
This is what I found:
There are things in life you learn
And oh in time you'll see
It's out there somewhere
It's all waiting
If you keep believing
There will be times on this journey
All you'll see is darkness
But out there somewhere
Daylight finds you
If you keep believing
So don't run
Don't hide
It will be alright
You'll see
Trust me
I'll be there watching over you
Just take a look through my eyes
There's a better place somewhere out there
Just take a look through my eyes
Everything changes
You'll be amazed what you find
(There's a better place)
If you look through my eyes.
All the things that you can change
There's a meaning in everything
And you will find all you need
There's so much to understand
Take a look through my eyes
You'll be amazed what you find if you look through my eyes
I knew I had to make a change in my life. My attitude went from negative thinking to looking for the positive things in my life. With all the trials that I overcame I realized that I'm stronger than I thought and that my relationship with the Lord grew. I truly began to trust in the Lord and gave my life over to him.
Mother's day was always a hard time for me. I would start feeling sorry for myself. Even though I believed every woman would have the chance to be a mom. Whether it be this life or the next. One Sunday morning I walked into church feeling sad that I didn't have a child to hold. So many girls that I taught in young women's had children on their laps. We began to sing the hymn i believe in Christ. Our voices filled the air with this joyous hymn. As I sang the last verse the words sank into my heart.
I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I'll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voce is heard: "Ye Shall Obtain."
I heard his voice say "Ye shall obtain." The Lord reassured me that my dream of being a mother would be realized. All I needed to do was trust in him and look through his eyes.
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