Wednesday, August 19, 2015

chapter 4 Angels among us

since i was a child I've believed in angels. my mother  told me of encounters she had with angels. she was visited by her grandfather the night he passed away. in the morning and  she got the phone call that he had died, she already knew. one night when my baby brother Christopher was sick my mom looked over at his crib and saw three heavenly beings watching over him. then there was my great uncle earl collinsworth who had a great change of heart because of an angel that visited with him on many occasions. this angel wore clothes that you might see in jesus's  time, even the leather sandals. this angel taught him the gospel of Jesus Christ and told him the book of Mormon was true. my great aunt vela who was married to earl was a member of the  church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints and had high moral standards. however, my uncle earl cussed like a sailor and loved his alcohol. my aunt vela gave him an ultimatum that he needed to change his ways or she would take the kids and leave. he began to pray and asked for help with his addictions and that's when the angel started to visit him. his conversion and change of heart led to many in my family to return to church.

i believe that angels are around us everyday. some are heavenly messengers while others are evil angels that try to tempt us to do wrong and doubt your self-worth. the angels that I come into contact with on a daily basis are friends and family that serve me with a willing heart. one day when i was at church this man who ive never met  knelt down by my wheelchair and looked directly in my eyes. he told me that Jesus loved me and that my trial would be a long one. i wanted to say no i'm going to be healed soon, but then i realized this was a  message from my savior. my uncle earl had a unique relationship with me and my family. he was more like  a grandfather to me. he always wanted me to sing for him. every time we said goodbye he would take my face in his hands and look into my eyes and say i love you. at his funeral a friend of his whom i had never met before stopped me as i was leaving. he took my face in his hands just like my uncle earl did. looking into my eyes he told me he loved me. this stranger gave me a message from my uncle earl.

it's hard to deal with a body that will not do what  you want it to. for this reason I've suffered with depression and low self-esteem. Satan knows my weaknesses and he preys on that. one day i was watching my family playing together outside with my dog Toby while i was inside stuck on a couch. i longed to be outside ith them. as i was wishing for a body that worked i distinctly heard the words, 'you're a waste of space.'  Satan continually tries to make me feel inadequate and  of little worth. i try to go to the temple to gain strength to endure, and  peace to know that my heavenly father loves me. even then Satan and his angels try to keep me from going to the temple. he makes me full of anxiety which makes me feel sick. he has even sent evil angels to surround me. one morning i was in bed resting because we were going to the temple that evening.   i opened my eyes and saw five grey figures crawling on the walls towards me. they looked like smeigl from lord of the rings. i tried to scream for my mom but i couldn't, i couldn't even move. suddenly my mom entered the room or so i thought. this being sat on the side of the bed and when it looked at me it had  a demonic face. i began to feel unbearable pressure on my chest that made me gasp for air. i prayed calling on my savior to rescue me. then these evil angels were gone. i called for my mom and told her what happened and she told me Satan was trying to keep me from going to the temple. i believe her words are true. Satan will do all he can to prevent us from entering the house of the lord.

i have prayed for guardian angels to protect me and angels to carry my burdens. heavenly father sends me many in the form of friends and family. i remember many Sundays sitting alone in relief society. everyone knew me in this ward and yet no one would sit by me. i was angered by this and i told the lord that if no one sat by me the next Sunday i was going to change wards. Sunday came and a women i did not know came up and asked if someone was sitting next to me. i told her you are. we became very good friends. later i learned that she had prayed  to know who needed her friendship in the ward and the lord sent her to me. time and time again the lord has sent me angels here on earth to love and support me. the greatest angel i know is my husband Tim. he quit working to stay  home and take care of me full-time. i thought I loved him when we were married but now i realize that was just the tip of the iceberg. my love for him grows each day.  he cooks, cleans, does laundry, and  takes care of all my personal needs. many times i get compliments on my hair or make up and i tell them Tim did it , he's the pro. he  has been by my side through thick and thin and makes the necessary changes as my disease progresses.

Even I have been called an angel.  I don't consider myself an angel but I do know that the Lord uses people around us as instruments in his hands. Once when I was at the temple I had a loving sister sit by me.  She helped me with everything I needed to do which was different because usually a temple worker would help me.  Before I left that day she came up to me and said, "I prayed that I would see an angel today and when I saw you I knew my prayer was answered."  This example shows that each  one of us can be angels to people around us. 

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