After being diagnosed with Lou Gerhig's disease time seemed to slow down. I was fired from my job at Payless shoe source. I also quit pursuing my college education. Depression over took me. The one bright source in my life was Tim. We couldn't wait to get married after he returned from his mission. He said he prayed every night that he could be sealed to me in the temple. I told him that he wasn't obligated to marry me since the doctors were only giving me 3 to 5 years to live. On January 14th 1995 we were sealed in the Los Angeles temple. It was the best day of my life because not only did I marry my best friend, I married the love of my life. Tim's prayers were answered.
Married life was great. We spent a lot of time together because Tim was working part time while going to school. I was happy in our marriage but I felt my life was stagnant. I felt like I was simply existing, and I wanted to grow spiritually and intellectually. Once again I began my studies at Cal State Bakersfield, but this time majoring in psychology and being pushed around in a wheelchair. My anxiety was so great that I could not eat before classes. I also made my mom sit with me through my classes. The university provided students with disabilities help such as note takers and extra time on exams. I greatly appreciated these services. I kept praying for my anxiety to cease, but even after a month, I was still making my mom sit with me in class. So one night in fervent prayer I asked the Lord to take away my anxieties so I could finish this quarter because I wouldn't have the strength to complete my schooling if I continued to be sick with nerves everyday. The next morning I awoke with a calmness I had not felt in months. I ate breakfast and told my mom to drop me off at my first class and I would get someone to push me to my next class. It was obvious to me that the Lord prepared the way for me to graduate with honors in 1998. It was a great accomplishment to be the first in my family to graduate from a university.
Tim and I bought our first house right before I graduated. He got me a puppy as a graduation gift also. We named him Toby. How I loved that dog. We became best pals. Since I was still able to walk short distances, I would go out in our backyard and let him run around. My life again felt stagnant. Every day was the same as the day before. Watching TV and playing with Toby but no sense of purpose. I outlived the doctor's expectations and my abilities were still intact and I wasn't bedridden but I wasn't doing anything. I was simply there. It was like Satan told me, I was a waste of space. I knew Satan wanted to pull me down into a deep depression so I went to the Lord in prayer and asked what my purpose here on earth was. Heavenly Father always answers my prayers. This one just took longer than usual.
My parents moved to Coarsegold California. I loved it up there. It was so relaxing and beautiful to be surrounded by nature. When Tim received an opportunity to work at a bank in Oakhurst California near Coarsegold, I knew the Lord was directing me to be with my parents. Now, instead of sitting home alone I could be with my parents. They drove me around to visit my grandparents and aunts and uncles. My life was full of activity again but, I still wanted to know my purpose. On a spring Sunday morning I was sitting in Sunday school studying Alma in the Book of Mormon when the teacher read a verse that seemed to literally pop off the page. The verse was Alma chapter 17 verse 11. Which reads:
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Finally I knew what my purpose was and why my disease wasn't progressing like the doctors said it would. I know now that I'm here to be a witness for the love our Heavenly Father has for all his children. No matter what trials I am facing the Lord always strengthens me and lightens my burdens. My prayers are always answered even the simple ones to find Tim's keys. I trust in the Lord and he trusts in me. When he sends the spirit to burn in my heart I know that I need to speak up and bear testimony of him. Through prayer I've come to realize thay the more I act upon his promptings my healing will come little by little.
